I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize