is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There r osticjed everywhere
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize