Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
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Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
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I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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