the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize