Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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