You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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