her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize