i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The uberlube is also flammable
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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