Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize