The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize