the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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