I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
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Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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