i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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