so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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