She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
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I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I could fuck to npr.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize