I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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