just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
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I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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