Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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