You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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