why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
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I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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