I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
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I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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