i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize