just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
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We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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