she looked like the before picture.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
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i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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