So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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