WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize