Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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