I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
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He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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