i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize