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What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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