After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
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We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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