party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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