After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize