Hey man sorry I got all grabby
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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