What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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