kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
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would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
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Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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