I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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