my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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