I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
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I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
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BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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