Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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