is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
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they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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