Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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