It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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