dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize