Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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