You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
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If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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