She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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