Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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