Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize