smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
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Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
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Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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